A faceless person in a crowded workplace, i was always unconnected and de-socialized from conventional patterns of reality.
Born of my desire to be “like other people” and make emotional contact with someone, i was attracted and drawn first to this fabulous, brown girl dressed in purple colored, flower printed kurta & leggings. Suddenly, she appeared (in slow-motion) from a mass of these filthy crowd on the street, paying fare to the rickshaw driver and then walking all alone into the posh entrance of this huge commercial building, checking for her identity card in her purse, to flash it off to the security guards, GOD! i can still visualize it. This commercial huge building was the place where she worked. As she entered the building, I observed her from afar, worshiped her and developed a crush on her, viewing her as an untouchable dream-girl ideal (a WASP-ish, angelic beauty in my fantasies).
With all the GOD’s Grace & luck on this universe it was my first day of joining an office in the same building. But to my disappointment, i couldn’t even have a glimpse of her for next couple of hours. I was asked by a receptionist to wait till my manager arrives & give instructions for the day. All i could do then was, have a fresh cappuccino coffee from the maker, read a Business magazine, or keep moving my eyes looking at those elderly beautiful H.R. girls (which was a better option). After a While I got bored (obviously anyone would be after constantly looking at the same chicks) and rose from the sofa to ask the receptionist how long it’s going to take and she said ‘just 10 minutes!’ and i reserved myself for next half an hour. To my surprise she called my name, i thought to myself ‘Finally’ but she told me to go for the lunch break and after that I’ll be called upon by my manager. WHAT? Lunch @ 1pm? yesterday i was having beer in the swimming pool with my friends till 4pm & had my lunch by 5.. i was thinking of all those things & tried to convince myself and asked her for the way to cafeteria. Again there was huge crowd, all these people dressed up so formally with their identity cards on, appeared to me like beggars outside the temple waiting for the food to be served. Pgghewww! i went and had a coke & put my earphones on to listen to some music. As I was sippin’ my coke, i was constantly annoyed by this guy flirting with a girl sitting in front of him. Though I couldn’t see her face, but it was an impulse that i figured the girl was voluntarily responding to him & was least bothered to engage with him. She was sitting in front of me facing towards the same as i was, so i could just see her back and wait for her to turn. She wore a grey colored full tilt sweater sleeve jacket on, as the temperature in the cafeteria was too low. Now i was deeply observing her movements & then out of my curiosity i got up to put the can in the bin, actly an excuse to pass by her and to see her, my phone rang… it was the receptionist, asked me to come back as my manager called for me. DAMN! What a fuckin’ day it was, i thought disappointingly and put the can in the bin & rushed towards the receptionist’s desk. She showed me the way to the bay on the floor where my ‘Gonna be’ team works & adjacent to that there was a small cabin, they call it ‘Glass Pod’, where the manager sits.
It was 2 in the noon, and i was already pissed off, now i have to introduce myself to the new manager & to the fellow members, a general formality which i hate a lot. But thankfully he didn’t ask me too many questions about myself rather he briefed me about how everything works in the office & some ‘Do’ & ‘Don’ts’ and asked the team embers to gather, (it was quite unusual to me from my prior experience) within a few moments everybody gathered around (then i was introduced to his powerful command over ’em), and started introducing themselves to me & vice versa. The last guy who shook hands with me, instantly i thought I’ve seen him somewhere.. Struggled a lot with my mind to recognize him but couldn’t. Suddenly this guy asked someone behind me (supposedly just entered in) ‘Hey where have you been?’ ‘Here’s your new trainee’.. As i slowly turned back to see who’s he or she?
Rahman’s ‘Hossana‘ started with an extremely perfect sync of what i saw & felt c’ing her. What a beautiful day? I said to myself. It was her! The girl i saw in the morning! That Angel! Oh GOD m i dreaming? all of a sudden all these reactions aroused & my mind was the arena where they clashed & met making me Jaw-Dropped!
‘Hello, Sachin’, she said.. it was 14:26:32 on the digital clock on the wall, a sunny Monday from an autumn of 2010.
I was smitten right away, by her. Awestruck by her charm & spellbound smile, and mainly by the brown skin of hers i went speechless, delighted inside. But I managed to reply her in a confused state of mind. Then she started explaining me about the process of work & stuff. I heard & understood nothing but her sweet feminine voice, my whole concentration was pointed towards it.
After a couple of hours we all went for the tea break, the last break for the day before an hour the shift ends. She offered me to join the team for the break, and she was so quick to ask me whether i Smoke and i was quicker to say ‘NO’. As everybody proceeded to virtually lock their systems, it was then i saw her wearing a grey colored full tilt sweater sleeve jacket on, and my puzzle resorted to the fact that it was’ HER’ i saw in the cafeteria in the noon & the guy who shook hands with me last, was ‘HIM’. For a moment i thought of ’em having an affair, but somewhere i was sure i wouldn’t be like that. Because any person having 5gms of brain would’ve figured out then, looking at the scene of cafeteria in the noon.
She was quite affable. But these screw heads (team members) occupied a table & settled around it, grabbed their snacks & beverages, but i didn’t, actually i couldn’t coz’ i was left with some odd 30rs, which i needed to go back home, i lived in a town quite far from this place and three cigarettes. She smiled and asked me why m not having anything, i managed to reply her that i didn’t feel like to. Now every vein of mine was red out of the blue for a smoke, DARN! it was almost three hours i didn’t go out for a smoke and i lie to her that i dont smoke. Somehow i managed to convince my pretentious GOOD BOY image, made an excuse of making a call @ home and went out of the office. Now while smoking my imaginations went multiplying with the sensuous thoughts about her. After the smoke i put a mint in my mouth, (which i hate doing, i guess last time i did that was some 3years ago in college before going home) and rushed towards the office. I entered in and sat next to her, then she gave a brief revision of what she explained to me earlier and i kept saying ‘Yeah’ ‘Okay’ ‘alryt’ moving my head to indicate to her that I’ve understood everything, which i didn’t anything but HER!
Finally it was 17:00 on the clock & on everybody’s screen. It was like they wait everyday for this moment to happen, everybody logged out from their PCs & woke up in such sync, it seemed to me like a parade. I was quite sad about it, the day came to an end & I’ll have to wait for next 16hours to see her again. We all exchanged our ‘Goodbyes’ and proceeded to leave. Within a couple of seconds the bay was evacuated, so without wasting any time i hurried to the downstairs with a hope of having a last glimpse f her. Guess what? i did. But all in vain, i saw her getting into a rickshaw with that guy. There was a quick dive into the vibrant disturbance in my thoughts.
Disappointed, I went back home, had a bath, met my friend and we went to our regular local BAR for a round of Whiskey. After a couple of rounds i finally everything happened in the whole day bled thru my mouth. He gave me some tips not to impress her but to stay away from it, as he hardly have any interest and time for such things. But it was her constantly on my mind and i hardly paid any attention to my friend’s GYAN. I went back home, had my dinner & slept.